No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
