puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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