I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
