I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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