I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
