I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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