i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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