Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize