broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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