I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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