wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
