As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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