Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
