If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
