connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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