I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This baby is an asshole
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize