Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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