You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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