there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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