one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
