i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
