look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
