OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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