she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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