I'm so fucking centered right now
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
