ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
