Whod you bang
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
