I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
