meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
