we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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