I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just wanna soil my oats bro
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Randomize
