he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Reggie can tackle my bush.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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