I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
