Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My penis needs a shock collar
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
