His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
