So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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