Sacagawea was the original milf.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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