just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
