just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
