Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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