Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
