dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
