this must be what syphilis tastes like
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
