I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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