She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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