If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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