Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
