Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
