I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
