Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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