Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
