Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
