Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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