She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
