Small penises have feelings too.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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