Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
